Xmas Gift Ideas For Terrible People

From office parties to in-laws, there is no shortage of undesirable people we must buy holiday gifts for. Was your ass kissing co-worker put on your secret Santa list? Hard pressed to find your Republican, golfing father-in-law something on short notice? Here are a few suggestions for that special hated somebody in your life. These also make excellent white-elephant gifts, that sad endeavor where every lousy "present" surfaces again as a re-gift.

• The Wine Snob. The happy man bottle stopper. Tacky, offensive, and hated by the recipient, this cheap bottle stopper effectively tells the wine snob in your life what you think of his hobby.
  

• The Boss. What do you buy the rich bastard who has everything? Since you can't afford a $500 gift, go to the opposite extreme and pay nothing. Any crappy regift will do
  

• The Neocon. Show this person what it's like to feel hope inside with the Commemerative Edition Barack Obama Dildo.

• The Golfer: A battery powered golf ball cleaner. Who cares if every golf course on the planet already has 18 golf ball cleaners, give this tacky gift to the insufferable golf prick in your life, and make sure you don't include batteries.
  

• The Germ-o-phobe: Prepare your favorite germ-o-phobe for his next potential life-threatening fantasy infection. Self-diagnosis books are great for unreasonable people. Buy this one here.

• The Technosnob. Windows 2000 For Dummies. Show a computer geek how superior he is and how hopelessly out of touch you are by gifting an outdated and useless manual.
  

• The Spoiled Brat. How about the little princess who rules the roost? If you know a kid who receives more loot for Christmas than the entire nation of Nigeria, give the little shit a wooden horse.

• The Serious Person. Do you know a kill-joy with a passion for 16th century literature? The man who doesn't speak and doesn't drink at the office party? Rub some brown in his face with The Turd Twister.